As my family was recovering from
the L-tryptophan overdose from
our last Thanksgiving feast, I
got to thinking about all the
turkeys in Superman's life.
Now, I'm not talking about those
that come with drumsticks and
look good with a side order of
stuffing and cranberries, I'm
talking about those events in
Superman's life that most comic
book fans would rather forget
ever happened. Those
embarrassing stories that made
us sit back after reading it and
say "What the heck did I just
read?" Stories that were so
incredibly silly and ridiculous
that even the best super-fan had
to shake their head in
disbelief. No matter what
popular fictional character
you're talking about, when you
have a character that's been
around as long as Superman has,
not every story is going to be a
homerun. There's going to be a
few foul balls. And that's the
case with Superman. If you can
keep awake long enough, join me
now as we look at a few of
these.
Monkey See As Super-Monkey Do
One
of the oddest stories appeared
in Superman #127, when
Superman met up with a giant ape
named Titano. Originally,
Titano was a monkey in the space
program named Toto. But, due to
an accident when Toto was sent
into orbit, Toto returned to
Earth and began to grow. Almost
immediately, Toto became
gigantic. As a monkey, Toto was
extremely smart and attracted to
Lois. So, as the giant Titano,
he took Lois ala King Kong. And
Superman couldn't stop him
because not only was Titano
colossal now but he had
Kryptonite vision. Finally,
using Lois as bait, Superman
captures Titano and sends him
through the time barrier back to
pre-historic times. Titano
returns again when Superman
accidentally brings him to the
future. Titano wreaks havoc on
Metropolis again until Superman
finds a way to defeat him and
send him "back where he belongs"
in the past. While this story
did answer the burning question
of whether Superman could defeat
King Kong, it was a prime
example of some of the odd
stories that appeared
during
the late Fifties and early
Sixties when elements of science
fiction dominated many comic
book titles at the time. And in
most cases, there was more
emphasis on the fiction part
rather than the science. This
story was adapted years later in
"Superman: The Animated Series".
In an almost even more bizarre
story, in Superman #226,
Clark Kent is exposed to Red
Kryptonite while watching "King
Kong" (if I remember right, the
Red K was in the form of a ring
Lois won in a box of Cracker
Jacks). Of course, you know
what happens next, Superman
grows gigantic, loses his
super-intellect and ability of
speak, and goes on a rampage
through Metropolis. Finally,
the effects of the Red K wear
off and Superman returns Titano
from the past to protect his
secret identity (since Titano,
an ape, looked so much like
Superman!). This story was just
whacky for a number of reasons.
The Saga of The Super-Sons
For
a brief time, during the
Seventies, DC Comics
experimented with the idea of
Superman and Batman having
teenaged sons. In these what-if
stories first appearing in
World's Finest #215, Bruce
Wayne, Jr. and Clark Kent, Jr.
wanted nothing to do with
super-adventuring ways of their
famous fathers, though. As it
started out, Clark, Jr., was
especially against the idea
because he felt his father would
live forever and there would
never be a need for him. His
father learned of this and faked
his death to get his super-son
to realize his potential as a
hero. Clark, Jr. and Bruce, Jr.
then went about traveling the
country on a motorcycle doing
good deeds. The pair appeared
in a few other stories, but the
idea never really caught on.
They looked exactly like their
super-dads except for slightly
longer hair and vernacular fit
for teenagers at the time ("Dig
this, Clark!", "Check,
Bruce!"). The most interesting
thing about these stories,
though, was that we never saw
their mothers. Each time, they
were either shown in shadows or
off-panel. It is assumed that
Bruce's mother was Kathy (Batwoman)
Kane and Clark's mother was Lois
(mainly because Clark, Jr.
didn't have his father's full
strength) but this has never
been confirmed.
Floats Like A Butterfly,
Stings Like A Kryptonite Bee
One
story that still has Superman
historians scratching their
collective heads was the team-up
of Superman and Muhammad Ali.
Appearing in tabloid-size,
Superman vs. Muhammad Ali
involved an alien warrior race
which held Earth hostage until
Superman and Ali agreed to face
off in the boxing ring. Of
course, under normal
circumstances, Ali wouldn't
stand a chance, so the match
takes place in a solar system
under a red sun where Superman
has no powers. Ali cleans
Superman's clock, but stops
short of going for the knock-out
when Superman, bruised and
bloodied, refuses to fall.
Being the champ, Ali simply
turns away and is awarded a
technical knock-out. Superman
is sent back to Earth under an
oxygen tent. We only learn
later, after the alien's armada
is no longer a threat to Earth
and the armada leaves the red
sun solar system, that Superman
never really left for Earth and
was actually disguised as Ali's
trainer Angelo Dundee.
Superman, now fully powered,
destroys the alien armada while
Ali himself takes out the alien
leader. The two heroes return
to Earth as best friends. Even
after Ali reveals that he's
figured out that Superman and
Clark Kent are the same person,
Superman just shrugs it off
figuring that he can trust the
champ not to reveal his
identity. This story appeared
at a perfect time only months
before "Superman: The Movie"
came out and while everyone was
still excited by the adventures
of Rocky Balboa. While the
premise may sound strange, the
artwork was fantastic. Combined
with a cover which had a number
of celebrities in the audience,
as well as a full-out media
push, the book was a financial
success.
Conclusion
As you can see, there have been
a few times that Superman's
adventures weren't really as
captivating as they could be;
but then, as I stated above, not
every story could be a
masterpiece. I plan to revisit
this from time to time, to
remind everyone that not every
Superman story is a classic,
but, for now, I think I'll push
myself away from the table and
go fall asleep in my Laz-e-boy.
At this time of thanksgiving, I
know I'm thankful for stories
like these to remind me of how
great Superman CAN be.
